So..........I feel a lot lighter since confessing out loud my misdeeds and bad decisions. There is nothing like the weight of sin. It sits in your chest, on your neck and shoulders too. I can take a deep breathe without it hurting! Most importantly I had to repent, and make it right with my God. This season is dark, but not for long. I need to be ready for the overflow. I feel so strongly that God is leading me to where I need to be in him. I need to be ready to walk in my purpose because it's coming whether I like it or not. Have you ever had a BURNING feeling that God is about to do something BIG? I have felt that way all summer. I have reached out to a women who I consider an AMAZING women of God! She didn't have a strong social media presence, her last post was in 2015, so I reached out through some of who I thought were her family members (e.i. anyone with her last name on her friends list, lol). One of her sisters hit me back up and said that she wants me to call her.......but I didn't at that time, that was early July. I chickened out and didn't call her. I was still intentionally running from what God was trying to do in my life. I buckled down and called her yesterday right after my last post and left a message. I haven' t heard from her just yet, but I know she will make time and call me back. God put her on my mind for a reason. Every since I moved back to Massachusetts, I have been on a serious decline. I DESPERATELY miss my church home in Florida. When your new in Christ you really need a great support system, people who will pour into you spiritually! I have felt nothing but loneliness since arriving. I have now COMPLETELY separated myself from my immediate family, except of course my children. I feel that she will be there and help with this next step God is having me take! Everyone needs a spiritual mother or father. That is very important in your walk with Christ. READING THE BIBLE may be the single most important. That is how God speaks to you. Reading the word and praying is how you build your relationship with God. With the word in you mind and heart, there is no room for sorrow and anger. I am not a person who can blame the devil for everything, because I recognize when he is trying to block me from God, I just allow it so I don't have to face the shame and guilt. Yesterday was the first day I didn't drink a drop of alcohol. I thought sleep would never come, and I did get VERY anxious after I sent my children to bed. They were even looking at me really funny, probably thinking "Mommy doesn't have a drink tonight!" I didn't bring any attention to it because I have started over so many times. I just want them to see this time. I teach them to show people through your actions, not just a bunch of words. I just want to finally set that example for them. If I set that example, then they will follow suit! They love me very much, I am tired of disappointing them. We have family meetings once a week to quote unquote AIR ARE GRIEVANCES, keeping things on the inside and stuffing is REALLY dangerous. So we talk about things they dislike and like, and we talk and work through the things that happened that they feel slighted over. I know they will never say that they don't like it when I drink to not hurt my feelings. Now, I am not a mean drunk by any means, they have just seen me sober and serving God before, and that's how they prefer me! I need to get back to studying the Bible now. I still swear quite often and I don't like the way my children look when I do that. I was HYPER aware of that yesterday, stark sober! Not having substances to put blockers up from the world forces you to deal with life HEAD ON! Don't be afraid or hurt, just recognize what needs to be changed and work towards that. Nothing comes overnight, TRUST ME! Patience is the key, patience is hard but worth it. A quick fix is damaging in the long run! Again I pray and believe that God will have this reach whomever it needs to! Remember God loves you and will never leave you NO MATTER WHAT! PLEASE remember that, keep that close to your hearts!
I don't know you, but I love you too!
to be continued..........
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