FAITH PUSHED TO THE TEST

Sooo...this morning, after I sent my kids off to school, the woman that we are living with came into my room and asked if I had packed, I told her by the end of the day that I would be, then she asked for my house key, I said sure thing. I think she still believes that I am leaving here without my children, but God has the final say, not her. She doesn't say what happens or what is going to happen in my life. God is the author and the finisher of my story. I can't lie though, the overwhelming feeling of losing my children did sink in as I was packing my sons things. I began to cry and asked God, YOU WOULDN'T TAKE MY CHILDREN FROM ME WOULD YOU! Then I opened my music app, and hit shuffle, and the first song that came up was Fred Hammonds song "All Things are working For Me".....even though I still have a little pain and fear in my heart (besides I am only human) I listened to that song twice, absorbing the strength that God was giving me, and the reassurance! I am going to continue to pack, continue to listen to my music, and continue to sing praises to my God, he is the only one I fear, no man. I am going to be ready, when he says go, I want to be packed and ready, I don't want to skip a beat. I am believing, and will continue to believe that God is working on a miracle, he will come through in the final second, when there is no time left on the clock! I put all my faith and all my trust in Him, He has not ever failed me, even in sin, and I just don't see Him starting now! God bless and I love you, and I can't wait to share the testimony about how God brought me and my children into our destinies! Remember that GOD LOVES YOU MORE THAN YOU CAN EVER KNOW! Trust and believe in Him with all you heart!

 This is the link to the Top Christian Womens Blog site, they have something for everyone, from the lost sinner, to the mature christian. Be  Blessed! https://blog.feedspot.com/christian_women_blogs/

to be continued......with a TESTIMONY!

GOD IS REBUILDING

Sooo....The word was good to my soul this morning, IT IS EVERY MORNING! Today, was a soothing message. I sat and meditated on it for a few moments, and thanked God for the work he is doing in my life, and in my spirit! God is redesigning me, after I took so much of my life into my own hands. I have woven this life into what I wanted it to be, but God loosened every thread, every stitch that I have made out of addiction, anger, resentment, failure, bitterness, pride, haughtiness, lying, deceitfulness, and thievery! He is in the process of resewing me into the person He wants me to be, the person he designed me to be since before I was born! Every stitch he has made hasn't all been pleasant, some hurt A LOT, but I know the end results will be a masterpiece. That really encouraged me this morning, God NEVER fails to encourage me EVERY DAY! As I sit here this morning, the morning of September 29th (remember I have until the 1st of October to move out) I am encouraged to stay the course, keep the faith, don't wobble or be moved by feelings of doubt and fear! I am willing to guess that the devil will try his hardest today!....but the word of God HASN'T FAILED ME YET! It is a TRUE SWORD, and it will cut down the tricks of the enemy! You see, that is why I stress in EVERY BLOG that reading the word of God is VITAL to our survival! If the enemy tries me today, and he will try, I have the word of God in my heart and mind, and God will lift up a standard against him! If I didn't have the word in me, I would fall subject to my feelings of fear and doubt! I would have made a very impulsive, very dangerous decision or move, and ruin whatever God has planned for me and my children! I have come to far over these few weeks to give up on my God now! God has given me peace, through His word, He has given me confidence through His word, He has showered His love all over me and I will not turn my eyes away from Him! I know I only have two days to go, but I am not worried, and whatever the devil tries today, I already have the victory through Christ!! I can't wait to share the testimony, I can't wait to scream it from the rooftop, and I hope and pray that all who hears and reads know that it wasn't of anything that I did, BUT ALL GOD! God will get the glory for the miracle that is about to happen in my life! TO GOD BE ALL THE GLORY, AND ALL THE HONOR, AND ALL THE PRAISE!!!!! Read the word today!!!! God bless and I love you all, AND GOD LOVES YOU MORE THAN YOU CAN EVER IMAGINE! GIVE HIM YOUR YES!

Being confident of this, that He who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.
Philippians 1:6

Therefore, my dear brothers and sisters, stand firm. Let nothing move you. Always give yourselves fully to the work of the Lord, because you know that your labor in the Lord is not in vain.
1 Corinthians 15:58

 This is the link to the Top Christian Womens Blog site, they have something for everyone, from the lost sinner, to the mature christian. Be  Blessed! https://blog.feedspot.com/christian_women_blogs/

to be continued.........

AGAPE LOVE, GODS LOVE

Soo....Today I just wanted to talk about Gods love, it is different from the love we have for family, or a spouse, or a best friend, or a pet! Gods love is an AGAPE love, a love between God towards man, and man towards God. The love God gives to us can not be explained! God is love, and one of his commandments is to love others as he loves us! That is the kind of commandment is a hard one! That means we are to love the local drug addict, drunk, the people who have wronged us, people who we haven't forgiven, and everyone in between! Can we say that we do that on a daily basis? If we did and said things to people with love as the foundation, would this world be the way it is now? NO IT WOULDN'T! There is no judgement when it comes to love, where love is hate cannot abide, where there is light darkness cannot abide! Love conquers all, and consumes all! If we led with love, more and more people would turn to God, this would happen by the THOUSANDS daily! It can be accomplished, if we first accept Gods love into our heart! It wouldn't be a challenge at all! Gods love, running through us, is sufficient! We can spread it freely to others and still have plenty for ourselves! That is what God reminded me to do today! With the thoughts that try to consume me daily, he reminds me to remember to love, and to lead with love, say what you want to say, but with love behind it! Do what you need to do, but do it with love as the foundation! The results are always going to be positive, you will get positive results, and a positive response! Everyone wins on both sides! EVERYTHING IN LOVE! I love you all, and remember GOD LOVES YOU TOO, WITH THAT GOOD OLE AGAPE LOVE!! God bless!

A new command I give you, love one another as I have loved you.
John 13:34

Dear friends, let us love one another, for love comes from God. Everyone who loves has been born of God and knows God. Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love.
1 John 4:7-8

 This is the link to the Top Christian Womens Blog site, they have something for everyone, from the lost sinner, to the mature christian. Be  Blessed! https://blog.feedspot.com/christian_women_blogs/


to be continued......

MAKE THE RIGHT CHOICE

Sooo...I love the word this morning! As I have written in earlier blogs, God has encouraged me EVERYDAY! I have also CONSTANTLY written that it is SOOOOO IMPORTANT that we read the bible every day, every morning, and this morning reinforced that message for me! The theme of new study plan that I've started is "Choose Each Day". The choice is ours on how we start our day! The reading was saying how we should start our day with prayer and reading Gods word, and not on what we have to do, and where we have to go, STRESSING! As I was reading, I thought, I start out my day with thanking Jesus for waking me up, I start in prayer! SO I'M GOOD! I QUICKLY dismissed that thought, SELF CONGRATULATING, thinking, well this is me, I'm not the person who starts out with social media, or thinking about my day and what I have to do! COMPARING myself to anyone who DOES start out that way, making myself look like some SUPER GREAT CHRISTIAN as opposed to OTHERS! That was my old way of thinking trying to slip in! I immediately thought about that verse that says "Do not think yourself more highly than you ought, but rather think of yourself with sober judgement, in accordance with the faith God has given to each of you!". (Romans 12:3) I had to put myself back into a humble place and say, this is not a HIGH FIVE moment, but a REMINDING moment! The Lord was reminding me that if I DIDN'T start my day off with Him, I would fall subject to the desires of my flesh! I wouldn't have the power inside me to fight off sexual thoughts, cravings for alcohol, or a cursing tongue! He was reminding me to STAY THE COURSE, don't change up, because it would only lead to DEATH, SPIRITUAL DEATH! I had to eat a HEAVY DOSE of humble pie this morning! The Lord reminded me this morning that if I walk by the spirit that I would not gratify the desires of the flesh, those desires would be in direct conflict with the spirit! God has given us the power to recognize them and act accordingly to the spirit! That is why I blog almost everyday about how important it is to READ THE WORD OF GOD!!! PLEAAASE!!!...and here is the MOST IMPORTANT part of my testimony now, in this moment, if I hadn't been reading the word EVERYDAY, allowing it to sink in, and following it's instructions, I would have fallen DAYS AGO! When the devil first started throwing his darts! I wouldn't of had that scripture in my heart to remind me to be humble with sober judgement! THE WORD IS SO VITAL TO OUR LIVES, I CAN'T STRESS THAT POINT ENOUGH! So choose God in the morning! I'm not talking about reading for hours and hours on end, but get in it, even if its just a couple of verses every morning, you will see the results as the days go by. Then when things arise in your life, it will rise up in you like active volcano! READ THE WORD OF GOD DAILY......READ, READ, READ, READ, READ, READ!!!! LOL! but for real DO IT! I love you very much, AND GOD LOVES YOU MORE THAN YOU CAN EVER IMAGINE!!!

Those who live in according to the flesh have their mind set on what the flesh desires; but those who live in accordance with the Spirit have their mind set on what the Spirit desires. The mind governed by the flesh is death, but the mind governed by the Spirit is life and peace. Romans 8:5-6

So I say, walk by the Spirit, and you will not gratify the desires of the flesh. For the flesh desires what is contrary to the Spirit, and the Spirit what is contrary to the flesh. They are in conflict with each other, so that you are not to do whatever you want. But if you are led by the Spirit you are not under the law. Galatians 5:16-18

 This is the link to the Top Christian Womens Blog site, they have something for everyone, from the lost sinner, to the mature christian. Be  Blessed! https://blog.feedspot.com/christian_women_blogs/

to be continued.......

THE POWER OF BEING GRATEFUL part 2

Sooo.....This mornings word was awesome, I learned to be grateful for what ever situation that I am in right now, because there are many others who are suffering in a poverty that I could never understand, but they have the same joy and peace beyond understanding! I learned that if I didn't have a "used to be story" than I wouldn't have a CHANGED LIFE! Meaning if I was still using the vernacular, I am this, or I do this, or I can't get over this, than I would still be living a life of sin and bondage! I would still be stuck in the same destructive cycle that I was just freed from! God has us go through these things to be a testimony to others! When he brings us out, and sets us on solid ground, and blesses our finances, living situation, and whatever else he has done for us, it is so that we can bless and help someone else! That is the WHOLE point of his promise! He blesses us in different ways because our duty is to PAY IT FORWARD! We are not to keep it to ourselves, horde it all for just our small circle, he does for us so we can do for others! God taught me that this morning, he has been preparing me these 2 weeks, preparing me to receive what is in store. It is only because I sought it out! Imagine if I didn't read my bible and pray at all during this time, would I have learned and received the wisdom God imparted on my life! What I have learned has kept me, renewed my mind more and more everyday! Now don't get me wrong, the work is not done, it is never done! We need to seek his guidance and knowledge EVERYDAY! If I just stopped now, thinking "I got this" I will surely be destroyed, falling right back into that cycle! It makes me think about Peter, when God called him out to walk on the water, Peter stepped out on faith, but half way through became afraid, he took his eyes off of God for just a split second AND BEGAN TO SINK! I don't want to sink again, s that God would have to come rescue me AGAIN from drowning! I thank God for the many lessons He has taught me, I am thankful to Him for always listening to me! I am thankful he has given me the desire to walk in his light, and follow his leadership! I would be nothing, going no where if I hadn't given Him my yes!! Seek God, I PROMISE you won't be sorry, all He wants to do is love you, teach you, and guide you! God bless, and I love you, AND SO DOES GOD!! TRUST HIM TODAY!!

This is the link to the Top Christian Womens Blog site, they have something for everyone, from the lost sinner, to the mature christian. Be  Blessed! https://blog.feedspot.com/christian_women_blogs/

to be continued........

THE POWER OF BEING GRATEFUL!

Soooo....I thank God for waking me up this morning, I thank Him for the honor and the privilege of being in his presence. I thank you God for this platform, to be able to share my journey back to him, living in obedience to His will, and his word! I am truly thankful for the new life he has given me! This mornings bible reading took a different turn, it was not about me, it was not about the miracle the Lord has in store for me, it was about others! The second devotional that I read told a story of how the man (who wrote it) took a missionary trip to Guatemala to spread encouragement, and tell about Gods love. He and another missionary visited a place called GARBAGE CITY, yes, a place called GARBAGE CITY, where trash and filth is stored! Their houses were made from whatever scrap material they can find, come to find out, generations of them have lived and died in those conditions! When they approached the people, they were smiling and offering them whatever they had to eat and drink! They were filled with joy and happiness, CAN YOU IMAGINE! The man asked them, why are you so happy, I don't understand how given your circumstances, and one man replied, "I know you don't understand us, if you did you would understand that we are ONLY dependent on God! We are never needy, for God supplies all our needs and He never fails us!" That right there took me right out, I had to stop reading and meditate on that. This man lives with his children and wife in some of the most impoverished conditions I have ever heard about and his faith and love of God was that of a MILLIONAIRE! No matter how bad things seemed to OTHERS he knew who is help came from and believed firmly in Him! I couldn't help but think, not matter how bad I THINK things are now in my life, or how bad things were, there is always someone else going through MUCH WORSE! It was a form of conviction, even though those people live that type of poverty, they want and need for nothing! God really smacked me with this one this morning! Needless to say, those men left encouraged! I was encouraged as well, I learned that being dependent on God who is more than faithful, brings joy that cannot be explained! It brings a joy and peace that I would never be able to find ANYWHERE else on earth! WHEW!! Joy UNSPEAKABLE can only be given from the Lord! THAT'S IT, NO QUESTIONS OR DEBATE! Anything else is a false sense of what your looking for, an it is a LIE! I love you my fellow brothers and sisters in Christ, AND GOD LOVES YOU MORE THAN YOU CAN EVER IMAGINE!!

Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kindom of heaven.
Matthew 5:3

Blessed are the meek, for they will inheret the earth
Matthew 5:5

This is the link to the Top Christian Womens Blog site, they have something for everyone, from the lost sinner, to the mature christian. Be  Blessed! https://blog.feedspot.com/christian_women_blogs/

to be continued.....

BE STILL, MEDITATE ON THE PROMISES OF GOD

So.....to piggy back off of the last post, the other message God gave me this morning was to 'Be Still' in this in between season that he has me in at the moment! It is the crunch time in my situation. In my very first post I explained that I was given until October 1st to find a new place to live! I have no money, no job, and no prospects, a situation that I put myself in! This is the time that panic could set in, and loss of faith!....but He encouraged me this morning to be still, meditate on the promises that were made, continue to be faithful UNTIL THE END! I have to put my faith into OVER DRIVE! It may not come until the very last second, but I know my breakthrough is on the way! I know God is making HEAVENLY moves on my behalf! I am not worthy, nor do I deserve it be he is a God that has NEVER failed me! It has always been the other way around!....but I am happy today to be His humble servant, I am happy to walk this christian walk! No matter what happens on or before October 1st, I know that God is the one that would have ordained it, and I will continue to trust Him, I will continue to believe in Him, I will continue to have faith, I will continue to love Him, I will continue to seek His face, I will continue to share the his love and kindness! Nothing can and will ever change that anymore! I am SOULED OUT!...because I know NOTHING can separate me from the love of God! Nothing can separate any of us from his love! I love you, and I can't wait to share the testimony God has in store for me!....and remember GOD LOVES YOU MORE THAN YOU CAN EVER IMAGINE AND NOTHING CAN EVER CHANGE THAT! God bless you!

The Lord will fight for you, you need only be still! Exodus 14:14

This is the link to the Top Christian Womens Blog site, they have something for everyone, from the lost sinner, to the mature christian. Be  Blessed! https://blog.feedspot.com/christian_women_blogs/

to be continued.......

THE IMPORTANCE OF OBEDIENCE

Soooo......Day after day, consistently reading the bible every morning, consistently praying, I feel God more and more! Meditating on his word after reading, praising Him and magnifying his name, and thanking Him for bringing me this far! This mornings over all theme was 'It's OK to begin again!'. That is what I did as of September 10th, the first day of the rest of my life! I am in a intermediate season right now, right in-between the old sinner that I was, and the miracle God is about to perform in my life! Do you know what is different this time, OBEDIENCE AND TOTAL SURRENDER! Being obedient is the best thing you be in your relationship with God, that's how he will keep his promises to you! In the past, I have called myself  'giving my life to God', but not completely! Every time, and only after a couple of days, I would continue with my same mess, indulging in the same sins, but still begging and pleading for Him to get me out of the mess I was in, the mess that I GOT MYSELF INTO, and expecting God to just save the day without any effort on MY part. I'm a mother, so think of it like a child/parent relationship! If I told my son to do something, and he declined, there would be consequences. Since he wasn't OBEDIENT, then I wouldn't buy the game he desired, or the toy he had been asking for! It's the same way with God, why would we expect him to perform miracles if we can't be obedient to His word! That is a VERY one sided and unhealthy relationship! I am happy to say that in this season, this season of my NEW BEGINNING number I don't know what, I have the desire to be obedient! It took a lot of DOING IT MY WAY to get to this point! All I have to do is remain obedient, faithful, hopeful, consistent and grateful in my "middle" season, and that is all God is asking of us today! I am grateful for everything that I have been through, it has brought me to this point, a season where I have to TOTALLY rely on God......OR SUFFER! I am over joyed with being lead to do this blog, so hopefully no one else will have to go through self inflicted hell fire to get with the program, THE JESUS PROGRAM! God is doing a new thing with me, because of my obedience, and I hope you choose obedience today! That is what our Father requires of us, and I humbly accept! I love you, even though I don't know you! Most importantly GOD LOVES YOU MORE THAN YOU CAN EVER KNOW! 

Now if you obey Me fully and keep my covenant, then out of all nations you will be my treasured possession. Although, the whole earth is mine!. Exodus 19:5

Love the Lord your God and keep his requirements, his decrees, his laws and his commandments always. Deuteronomy 11:1

If you love Me, keep my commandments. John14:15

This is the link to the Top Christian Womens Blog site, they have something for everyone, from the lost sinner, to the mature christian. Be  Blessed! https://blog.feedspot.com/christian_women_blogs/

to be continued.........

TRUST IN GOD, NOT EMOTIONS/FEELINGS

Soooo....no matter what it looks like, no matter what it feels like, always trust God. Your feelings can and will  betray you, if you rely on your feelings instead of your faith, it can lead you  straight off of the path God has forged for you! I am facing this battle right now at this very moment! I know that God has a plan for me and my children, I know that he will provide EXACTLY what I need before my October 1st deadline, but my feelings are TRYING tell me, this is not going to work, this will never happen! The closer to the date it gets, the more the enemy will try and discourage me, the more he will try to make me second guess, the more he will try to push me to self medicate! NOT SO SATAN, NOT TODAY DEVIL! God has given me REASSURANCE that he will never leave me nor forsake me. He has promised me that if he said it, it will come to past! I am believing in Him, and his word! I will continue to walk this path and will not faint! The bible says, if we faint not, we shall receive EVERYTHING  that God has promised! EVERYTHING, not some things, not partial things, He doesn't do things half way! It's all the way! This is a crucial time when I have to put my into action! I cannot listen to what my feelings are trying to say, I only need to listen and to remember the voice of the Lord! The more the enemy tries to trick me, the more I pray, and sing praises to God! I am going to start packing, because I know that God is about to perform a miracle! He is working in the miraculous on my behalf RIGHT NOW! I will continue to fight the good fight, I will continue to read the word, and listen to God instructions, NO MATTER WHAT THE ENEMY TRIES TO BRING UP AGAINST ME!......because I know that God will lift up a standard against him!!!! TO GOD BE THE GLORY!!! I love you and am continually praying for you! Most importantly GOD LOVES YOU MORE THAN YOU CAN EVERY IMAGINE!!

This is the link to the Top Christian Womens Blog site, they have something for everyone, from the lost sinner, to the mature christian. Be  Blessed! https://blog.feedspot.com/christian_women_blogs/

to be continued..........

SPEAK LIFE!

Sooo....This morning I want to talk about the tongue. The basic over all theme of the scripture I have read is about speaking and thinking positively and not negatively! In the past, during the times when I would try to walk this Christian walk, I would eventually fall of and back slide! One of the main things, if not the only thing, that pushed me back into a life of sin was, STINKIN' THINKIN'! I would allow the enemy to tell me, YOU CAN'T STOP DRINKING, OR SMOKING, OR STOP HAVING LUSTFUL THOUGHTS! I would "survive" not doing cocaine, all the way up to tax season, and then BOOM like clockwork, I was back on! I wasn't consistent with reading my bible, and I didn't have a "healthy" prayer life! Meaning, I would only pray when I was in a bind and I was BEGGING God for help! I have learned in this season to SPEAK LIFE over my situation! Some days doubt will try to creep in, but I extinguish those thoughts with the word of God! It is a very powerful tool that God has given us, and we should use it for our benefit! Speak over your life, speak to your addictions and short comings, speak what ever it is you want for your children, speak it in the atmosphere, and pray without ceasing! When you say AMEN at the end of your prayer it means LET IT BE! I just learned that during one of the devotional readings during my study time! AMEN literally translates as LET IT BE! All those times in the past I have been praying, and saying let it be, but IMMEDIATELY think, it's not going to happen! I thank God for renewing my mind every single day! I thank him for this new lease on life that he has given me! I feel like a big shift is going to happen in my life today, and I am humbly grateful, and thankful to God for showing me the way! I thank God that I no longer hurt from the terrible decisions I have made in the past, I have learned and now by the strength and the grace of God I am moving on! a great meme came across my Instagram feed yesterday, it said "YOU CAN'T START THE NEXT CHAPTER IN YOUR LIFE, IF YOU KEEP RE-READING THE LAST ONE!" That was a word for me yesterday, you see, God will encourage you all day long, if you just become in-tuned to him, and build a relationship! He will never let you fall! So speak life, and not death! Say what you believe out loud, reinforce it with the word of God, stay in contact with God, and he will speak to you daily! I have been on this journey for weeks, and he has never skipped a day, and I haven't either! As always I love you and may God bless you and answer all you your prayers according to his will! Most importantly GOD LOVES YOU MORE THAN YOU CAN EVERY IMAGINE! Make that decision today, what do you have to lose!

But no human being cna tame the tongue, it is a restless evil, full of deadly poison. With the tongue we praise our Lord and Father, and with it we curse human beings, who have been made in God's likeness. Out of the same mouth come praise and cursing. My brothers and sisters, this should not be. James 3:8-10

Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen. Ephesians 4:29

Gracious words are a honeycomb, sweet to the soul and healing to the bones. Proverbs 16:24

Death and life are in the power of the tongue; and they that love it shall eat its fruit. Proverbs 18:21

This is the link to the Top Christian Womens Blog site, they have something for everyone, from the lost sinner, to the mature christian. Be  Blessed! https://blog.feedspot.com/christian_women_blogs/

to be continued......

BATTLES AND WARS

Sooo.....I had a great time reading the word this morning. The Lord of course encouraged me, as he does every time I study! I know now that this Christian life is war, and we fight on the battlegrounds every day! We fight against addiction, fear, insecurities, anxieties, or whatever else your fighting with on a day to day basis! The word I got from the Lord was DECLARE WAR! The war we fight every day is the battle to live in the spirit and not give into the desires of the flesh! We want to do good, and we have every intentions on doing it, but if we aren't living a God ordained life, if we don't have our eyes fixed on God, than we will SURELY give in to the flesh. We can only love one thing and not the other, we cannot live a life of doing some good and some bad! That is a harsh reality that I had to face a little over a week ago now! I was a double minded person, thinking I could wake up, thank God for the day, acknowledge him, and still drink and cuss, and get high! As you can see from my first post that only lead to TOTAL AND COMPLETE DESTRUCTION! I tried to have one foot in and one foot out! Not realizing that I had given myself over TOTALLY to sin! We are sinners by nature, but it takes a consistent prayer and study life to win the battle over the flesh EVERYDAY! We can not do it on our own! We have to make a choice, to either walk with God, or to live in sin! We can not do both, because where there is one, the other cannot exist! So if we follow God and lead a life lead by Him, sin cannot and will not exist! If we lead a life of sin and give in to the desires of the flesh, the spirit of God cannot exist! It is a fools journey to try and make the two coincide! BELIEVE ME! I was that fool! We already have the victory we just have to jump in the battle, and stay the course! Keep fighting for your life everyday! God makes it easier the longer your in the battle, as long as we keep pushing, keep fighting! We already know we will have the victory, that Gods guarantee! All we have to do is keep fighting by faith, and we will win the battle, and flesh and sin will no longer have dominion over our hearts and minds! God has brought me to this point, and I am on fire! I declare war on my addictions to porn, cocaine, alcohol, and weed! I declare war on rebellion, and cursing, and lying, and stealing! I declare war or vengeful and mean spirits! I declare war on all of my weakness and I guard all of my strengths with the word of God! Declare war over the things that befall you in your life! Declare war on all of your vices, no matter what they are! There is nothing too hard for God to fix, handle, and turn around for you! Just give it to him, and jump in the fight!! As always, I love you!......but GOD LOVES YOU MORE, MORE THAN YOU CAN EVER KNOW!!

For I know that good itself does not dwell in me, that is, in my sinful nature. For I have the desire to do what is good, but cannot carry it out. For I do not do the good I want to do, but the evil I do not want to do-this I keep doing. Now if I do what I do not want to do , it is no longer I who do it, but it is sin living in me that does it!
Romans 7:18-20

Therefore do not let sin reign in your mortal body so that you obey its evil desires. Do not offer any part of yourself to sin as an instrument of wickedness, but rather offer yourselves to God as those who been brought from death to life; and offer every part of yourself to him as an instrument of righteousness. For sin shall no longer be your master, because you are not under the law, but under grace! Romans 6:12-14

THESE SCRIPTURES REALLY BLESSED MY SOUL THIS MORNING! LOOK TO THE SCRIPTURES, GOD WILL LEAD YOU AND GUIDE YOU, LOVE ON YOU AND ENCOURAGE YOU!

This is the link to the Top Christian Womens Blog site, they have something for everyone, from the lost sinner, to the mature christian. Be  Blessed! https://blog.feedspot.com/christian_women_blogs/

to be continued........

GOD IS MORE POWERFUL THAN..............

Soooo.......I expressed in a post yesterday how the enemy was trying to tempt me, he was working overtime! I wrote about how I HAD a pretty active masturbation life which went along with a healthy desire to watch a lot of porn! Well, I prayed my way through those feelings of arousal, and wouldn't you know, last night I had the MOST VIVID sex dream ever! In the past I could never get to the point of penetration, the dream would always stop right before the sweet part happened! Last night was COMPLETELY DIFFERENT! I woke up this morning feeling little guilty, and I began my prayer with, God I am sorry for what I just did in my dream! I wasn't sure if I should of repented for that, so I did just in case! I also begged God to take lust and sexual thoughts from out of my mind, out of my subconscious! Then I immediately thought that I would have to suffer with these thoughts all the time, until I read my bible this morning. The theme of all 3 devotionals that I read this morning was that God is more powerful than any darkness I can face, more powerful than ANY DREAM! If you reach out to God in the midst of your trouble, HE WILL RESPOND IMMEDIATELY! God gave me encouragement this morning, letting me know that he is more powerful than any sex dream, any dream all at that preys on my weaknesses! I woke up, gave it to Him IMMEDIATELY and IMMEDIATELY got a response when I dove into the word of God! God speaks to us, and to our situations through the word, THE BIBLE IS A SOURCE OF LIFE! I would have been second guessing myself and God if I didn't read this morning! Second guessing is a sign of instability, something that I am overcoming in this season! God has placed me on solid ground, and I REFUSE to turn back now, not even over some HEIGHTENED sex dream! I love you all, and most importantly GOD LOVES YOU TOO! MORE THAN YOU CAN EVER KNOW!

Do not gloat over me, my enemy! Though I sit in darkness, the Lord will be my light! Micah 7:8

Humble yourselves, therefore, under God's mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time. Cast all of your anxiety on him because he cares for you. 1 Peter 5:6-7

This is the link to the Top Christian Womens Blog site, they have something for everyone, from the lost sinner, to the mature christian. Be  Blessed! https://blog.feedspot.com/christian_women_blogs/

to be continued...........

HAPPINESS AND FULLNESS OF FREEDOM

Sooo......as I end my day, and retire to my bedroom, I was just thinking how happy I am to be free from addiction. I am happy to not be scouring the house looking for alcohol, worrying about how I'm going to get the best buzz possible! I am happy to be completely satisfied, to no have to block out any pain, guilt, or shame! To not think about what I've done and not have that shooting, stinging pain in my chest! I thank God for healing my heart, I thank God for giving me the strength to forgive myself. I thank God that I am able to show my children, instead of talking about it! I am happy they don't have to see me get drunk, or hear me cuss, or deal with me cursing at them! I am just thankful, my mind is clear, it's not swirling with unhealthy thoughts, anger, bitterness, lust, or hate! I am not going to say that I wished I made this decision earlier, because the journey is the testimony! I don't live in regret, I don't regret anything that I have done, or said, or been through! I am bursting with happiness to be able to let people know what kind of low bottom sinner I was, and how God TURNED IT ALL AROUND! I want to tell the world what I've been through and done, so I can tell them about the BEST DECISION I HAVE EVER MADE! Giving my life back to God to do with what he pleases! Falling in love with Jesus is the best thing I have ever done!! It's the greatest love I have ever known! I am so full, not physically, but spiritually! I hope hope and pray that whoever is reading this finds the same peace, love, and joy in Jesus that I have found. Make the easy decision, don't wait like I did, don't fall on your face and bring others down as well before you get the message! The farther you go in sin, the harder it seems to get out! Don't cause any more separation from God! I love you very much, even though I don't know you!.......and GOD LOVES YOU MORE THAN YOU CAN EVER KNOW!! TRY HIM!!

This is the link to the Top Christian Womens Blog site, they have something for everyone, from the lost sinner, to the mature christian. Be  Blessed! https://blog.feedspot.com/christian_women_blogs/

to be continued........

IMPORTANCE OF DISCIPLINE

Sooo.....to fully grow into the person God wants us to be we have to have discipline! I USED to be a person who would start something, but never FINISH!  I would never stay the course in anything that I've done. Whether it be a job, or something as a book! To walk in Gods fullness I have to REMAIN CONSISTENT! In order for my gifts to grow I have to first submit and give them all to God ( which I have done), but most importantly I have to allow myself to be taught. I have to continue to allow God to lead me and guide me! I can't all of a sudden say, I GOT THIS, I CAN MANAGE ON MY OWN! I DON'T HAVE TO READ MY BIBLE EVERYDAY! This are things that I have done before much to my detriment! This way of thinking is VERY DANGEROUS, as I have found out the hard way! I have to be COMPLETELY dedicated to this walk. I have to be totally dedicated and focused on what He wants me to do! I am COMMITTED to doing it his way this time, or it will REALLY be the HIGHWAY for me! We have to submit to his instruction, submit to his word and his authority! Doing things on our own without guidance will only lead to a miserable life full of ups and downs that we can't handle. That is not a roller coaster I want to be on. I no longer want to be on shaky ground, the only way I can remain stable is by trusting the Lord God! No other way is possible, trust me I HAVE TRIED ALL OTHER WAYS!! I know that I need to work hard on my salvation so I can show myself approved! 
As always, I do not know you, but I love you dearly! Most importantly GOD LOVES YOU MORE THAN YOU CAN EVER EVER EVER KNOW! GIVE HIM A TRY TODAY! YOU WON'T BE SORRY!!

Do your best to present yourself to God as one approved, a worker who does not need to be ashamed and who correctly handles the word of truth! 2 Timothy 2:15

This is the link to the Top Christian Womens Blog site, they have something for everyone, from the lost sinner, to the mature christian. Be  Blessed! https://blog.feedspot.com/christian_women_blogs/

to be continued.......

SURVIVING THE ATTACK

Soooo....to God be the glory for all the things he has done! I thank God for the strength to fight temptation, the devil has really been trying to work on my mind. He knows that if he can just SQUEEEEZE in one cuss word, one explicit sex scene (yes I am fighting thoughts of sex, I had a very active masturbation life), if he can get me to act on just one thing, it would have been a spiral back to destruction!  NOT TODAY SATAN! That is a popular phrase I see thrown around social media, but I yell that with AUTHORITY!! I read and studied the word of God this morning, but haven't been able to blog until now, 2:41 pm! The enemy has been trying his hardest though, lol! I am steadfast, with the power that God has given me! If I would of given in and watched porn, or cussed while playing NBA 2K19, who knows, I would have probably picked up a beer! That's how it happens, if I take my eyes off the prize, off of God for even a second, I will descend right back into darkness! I don't want that for my life anymore, I don't want to disappoint God, and I don't want to disappoint myself! I learned this morning that I am to be of service. I know God built me for some type of ministry, and if I revert back to sin, what about the lives that I am supposed to touch. I only what to be obedient to God, I have surrendered my WHOLE life to him and I am NEVER taking it back! God is preparing me for something, and I want to be ready when it comes. I will continue to educate myself, by reading the bible EVERYDAY! I know I seem like a broken record, but if I hadn't read this morning, I WOULD HAVE SURELY GIVEN IN TO TEMPTATION THIS AFTERNOON!! That is also how I will grow and sharpen my gifts, to be used for the glory of God! God has given me gifts, but it is up to me to master them by do diligence! I will not, I shall not stumble as long as I keep my eyes stayed on Him! I know that remaining humble and obedient he answer all my prayers! I trust him with my WHOLE HEART! 
I don't know you but I love you!! Most importantly GOD LOVES YOU MORE THAN YOU CAN EVER IMAGINE! TRY HIM AND SEE!!

This is the link to the Top Christian Womens Blog site, they have something for everyone, from the lost sinner, to the mature christian. Be  Blessed! https://blog.feedspot.com/christian_women_blogs/

to be continued..........

SPIRITUAL CROSSROADS

Soooo....I am faced with another trial where I can either make the decision to take things into my own hands, and act in a desperate way! I can either choose to lose faith in this moment, and be deceptive, and steal to get what I need back, or I can wait on God. I can trust that he will make a way out of no way! I am in a NO WAY kind of predicament. I am also being forced to face past sins, as the people I have wronged slowly find out what I have taken from them, I can either choose to tell the truth and admit, or LIE like I have always done! My car (if you have read since the 1st post, you know it is in the shop....and NOT LEGAL TO DRIVE!) is ready to be picked up! I don't have a penny to my name, I actually have -$787 roughly to my name because of the bad checks I wrote! The old me would of walked up to that shop with my check book, linked to a CLOSED checking account, wrote them a bad check, and just decide to deal with the consequences as they come! I would have prayed for help, and at the last minute, because I would be thinking God  is taking too long, or because some magic money didn't appear in the mail, that He wasn't going to come through for me. That's not how God works, I need to trust him with IT ALL! Not just the parts I need him to fix. I also can't let fear engulf me! I have to trust that God will provide a way for me to get my car out of the shop, and make it legal to drive! I TRUST AND BELIEVE IN HIM! It took me falling on my face and ruining my life MANY TIMES, but I have learned to never give up on him! I am going to wait on the Lord, and be of good courage! I will wait and see the move of God over my situation! I choose to go Right and not Left! I choose Gods way, not my way! I choose not to steal and be deceitful! It is in these times where he is keeping an extra eye out, he is seeing if I am going to be the old me and do wrong! NOT THIS TIME GOD! I CHOOSE YOU, I CHOOSE TO TRUST YOU, I CHOOSE TO BELIEVE IN YOUR PROMISE! I meant it when I said that I am tired of the weight of sin! I have found liberty in Jesus, and I want to remain FREE, and not be bound to sin! I don't care how long it takes, that car will sit there until God makes a way! As far as facing old sins, I believe God will give me the words to say when the time comes! I am believing in God to give me the courage to make it right, to own up to my mistakes. To not lie and to tell the truth about what I have done. It's all apart of my healing process! It has to get worse before it gets better! I am trusting and believing God to see me through! LORD I LOVE YOU, THANK YOU FOR GIVING ME THE MIND TO WANT TO DO THIS RIGHT THIS TIME! I THANK YOU FOR STRENGTH, I THANK YOU FOR NEVER LEAVING ME! I PRAISE YOU NAME AND GLORIFY YOU OH LORD!! AMEN! I know I don't know you but I love you very much. Most importantly GOD LOVES YOU MORE THAN YOU CAN EVER IMAGINE!!

This is the link to the Top Christian Womens Blog site, they have something for everyone, from the lost sinner, to the mature christian. Be  Blessed! https://blog.feedspot.com/christian_women_blogs/

to be continued.........

THE SWEETNESS OF GODS GRACE AND MERCY part 2

Soooo.......I often write about Gods grace and mercy! It has carried me, it carries us all. How do we think we are allowed to wake up every morning, Christians and Sinners alike! It's by Gods grace and mercy! It meets us as we wake up, fresh and new every day! The subject that has me excited this  morning was the title of one of the devotional readings I read, the title was "Grace Resets the Scene!" Isn't that amazing! It gave the example of how Jesus resets the scene for Peter. Remember Peter was the one who denied Jesus 3 times before they nailed him to the cross. The first time Peter denied him was around a fire. God resets the scene, around a fire on the beach, by asking him 3 times if he loves him! Peter was hurt because he recognizes the 3 times theme, and he is ashamed, but Jesus never brings up the fact that he knows Peter denied him. Jesus doesn't throw it back in his face and condemns him, he simply gives him a chance at REDEMPTION! He gives him a chance to heal from his past mistake of denying him, and turns it all around! Peter responds all 3 times, "Of course I love you Jesus!". Jesus simply replies, feed my people! I love this, that is what God has done in my life, I just have the scales of my eyes this time to recognize that! I have humbled myself, forgiven myself, and totally surrendered to his will! God has come into my heart, found the shame, guilt, anger, bitterness, addiction, and everything else I was holding on too, and RESET THE SCENE! He has filled those places in my mind and heart with his love and kindness, He has filled those places with forgiveness! That is so powerful, now when I look back at those times, the pain doesn't strike my heart, God has reset it. He has given me purpose, just like he gave Peter. He told Peter to "feed his sheep".......his sheep are us.....HIS CHILDREN! He was forgiven, so that he could go into the world and teach people, His sheep, about the love of God! So that he may be glorified! That is what I want to do with my life, God has forgiven me so many times, this time is different, he has completely reset the scene for me. No matter what I have done, no matter how bad or destructive it was, I have been redeemed! He has filled those horrible spaces with his love, now I have the strength to tell the world. Now I am not ashamed or embarrassed to tell my story! Jesus didn't come to this world to condemn it, he came so that we could be saved through him! The only way to salvation is through Jesus! Jesus doesn't throw are mistakes back in our face, he doesn't shame us with our past, He forgives us, and leads us with love, grace and mercy to our futures. The future he has already planned for us, we just have to follow! So remember, God wants to reset you, he wants to reset the scene in you life. Allow him to do his best work, to perform his miracles through your wounds. Just give it all to him, meet him in your most wounded spots, and he will replace your mistakes and failures with his love and PURPOSE! Then you will be able to go feed his sheep! That's what this is all about, helping others, lifting others up, so that God gets the glory, and the kingdom is edified! As I say always, i don't know you but I love love love you! Most importantly GOD LOVES YOU MORE THAN YOU KNOW!! 

God resets the scene for Peter. John chapter 21

"The righteous cry out, and the Lord hears them; he delivers them from all their troubles. The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit!" Psalms 34:17-18 

This is the link to the Top Christian Womens Blog site, they have something for everyone, from the lost sinner, to the mature christian. Be  Blessed! https://blog.feedspot.com/christian_women_blogs/

to be continued..........

THE SWEETNESS OF GODS GRACE AND MERCY

Soooo......I love how God never fails to speak to me, to encourage me every day! Gods grace and mercy never runs out! That's what I am excited about today. I was thinking about the time I was homeless after I left college, on the streets of Providence. I was thinking about how I could of fallen into a crack addiction, a heroin addict, and prostitution! BUT GOD! It was only by the mercy of God I wasn't killed, God scooped me out of that situation with one big swoop!! It was unbelievable!! "Its because of the Lords great love we are not consumed, for His compassion's never fail. They are new every morning,great is thy faithfulness"  Lamentations 3:22-23...........Realigning myself with God is the best decision I have ever made for my life! I had been double minded for so long, claiming that I loved God, but still living in sin, doing my own thing! You cannot sin and say you love God, you must love one and hate the other. I had been living like I hated God for so long! The choice seems to be simple when you think of it, the devil comes to destroy you! "the thief (devil) comes only to steal, kill and destroy; I (God) have come that they (US) may have life and have it more abundantly". John 10:10........The passage of scripture that REALLY HIT ME this morning was found in the book of John. John 4:4-42! Jesus was talking to a Samaritan women beside Jacobs well, he asked her for a drink of water, and she was like, "Why would you a 'Jew' ask me for a drink of water?" and Jesus said "If you knew who was asking, and you asked me for water I would give it to you!" Then she said "But sir, you don't have a bucket and the well is deep, where would you get this LIVING WATER, are you GREATER THAN JACOB!"........THIS NEXT PART IS WHAT HIT!!! AND I MEAN HIT HARD!! IN A GOOD WAY!!! ........Jesus said "Everyone who drinks from this well will thirst again (SCREAM HALLELUJAH!), but whoever drinks the water I GIVE will NEVER THIRST AGAIN. The water I give them will become in them a spring of water welling up to eternal life." TO GOD BE THE GLORY!! Do you know what I got from that, anything you get from the world, is temporary, it doesn't last, it's unfulfilling, it's short lived!......but everything God gives is eternal, it's long lasting, it fills the voids in our lives, it breaks the yokes, it breaks the chains! It's eternal life. What ever the flesh craves is only a QUICK FIX! Drinking and smoking, or whatever it is we do to hide from our pain, and shame, and guilt, will only last for as long as the HIGH LASTS! That's why we have to keep chasing the high, we have to keep smoking, keeping finding that drink. That is why we do the things we do to get them, like steal, swindle, prostitute, etc. If we ask God for our living water, we ask him for forgiveness, strength, if we ask him to fill the voids in our lives, that is everlasting.  All we have to sacrifice is our lives, we don't have to do ANYTHING compromising! We don't have to steal for it, we won't have to sell our bodies, we don't have to lie to get it! He gives it freely, all we have to do is ASK, and follow the steps He gives to us, follow his guidance!! It feels so much better than going our own route!! Life won't be MAGICALLY perfect, but God gives us the tools and the love and encouragement to get through!!! WHEW!!!! That passage of scripture got me SO EXCITED!!! GOD I THANK YOU FOR YOU GRACE AND MERCY, I THANK YOU FOR THE LIVING WATER YOU HAVE GIVEN TO ME! I THANK YOU FOR THIS WELL THAT IS BUBBLING INSIDE OF ME!! THANK YOU GOD FOR SAVING MY LIFE!! As always....I can't say this enough, I don't know you but I love you LOTS LOTS LOTS! Most importantly GOD LOVES YOU MORE THAN YOU CAN EVER IMAGINE!!! LOVE EVERLASTING, LIKE THE WATER FROM HIS WELL!!

This is the link to the Top Christian Womens Blog site, they have something for everyone, from the lost sinner, to the mature christian. Be  Blessed! https://blog.feedspot.com/christian_women_blogs/

to be continued..........  

THE FULLNESS OF GODS PURPOSE

Soooo..........I feel great this morning, I feel like I have a purpose, I feel like I finally have a purpose. It feels great to walk in the purpose God has set up for me. I am happy to have gone through the absolute hell over these years to get to this point. I am EXTREMELY THANKFUL that God didn't give up on, I am thankful Jesus died on that cross KNOWING THAT I WOULD MESS UP over and over and over and over again! Can you imagine that!! All that He endured, they spit on Him, they beat Him to a pulp, the stabbed Him, they nailed Him to that cross in his hands and feet!!!!.....and He knew the whole time that I was going to do the same thing, commit the same sins, go back and forward and take advantage of his grace!! He stayed up there knowing we would disappoint, that kind of love cannot be explained! That is the kind of love NO ONE ON THIS EARTH HAS!! That kind of love surpasses all understanding!! I mean, SHEESH! I don't like when people talk and my face and that little bit of WHATEVER comes out of their mouth and hits me in the face, have you every experienced that?? Lol, that was enough to start a fight back in the day, but Jesus died for sins he knew we would continue to commit, he knew that we would struggle. How could I ever distrust Him. You would think it would be easy, but the flesh is strong. That's why I have to kill the flesh DAILY! They ONLY way to kill the flesh everyday is through prayer and reading the bible. I know I have said that over and over in every post but I think it is SOOO IMPORTANT!!! It is literally how we sustain ourselves through out the day. That is how we renew our minds! Making it a habit to read and pray everyday has to be intentional, because we know that the word of God is the SWORD! It chops down the flesh, it slices through what the enemy has planned for you on that day! After reading I believe in every word that I have read. Faith is the foundation of this lifestyle. You can't see what is going on, but you believe it's happening! After you pray, you have to believe it's going to happen, there isn't a video that shows you the answers, it's a feeling. To trust and lean on God is an act of faith in itself. To keep your eyes on him is an act of faith! Pressing on day by day, is an act of faith! To pray without ceasing is an act of faith! To continually look to him for all of the answers to the woes of life is an act of faith. We cannot walk this walk without faith, and faith comes by hearing, and hearing by THE WORD OF GOD! Romans 10:17. THE WORD THE WORD THE WORD! It works, trust me. NO, TRUST GOD!! As always I don't know you but I love you to life! Most importantly GOD LOVES YOU MORE THAN YOU CAN EVERY KNOW!!! God bless!!

FAITH IS THE SUBSTANCE OF THINGS HOPED FOR, AND THE EVIDENCE OF THINGS NOT SEEN. Hebrews 11:1

This is the link to the Top Christian Womens Blog site, they have something for everyone, from the lost sinner, to the mature christian. Be  Blessed! https://blog.feedspot.com/christian_women_blogs/

to be continued..........

IF YOUR NOT TAKING ANY STEPS FORWARD, YOUR SLIPPING BACKWARD

Sooo........There was another very important lesson God taught me yesterday during my devotional readings, it struck me right through the heart! It said at the end of my reading, "Christianity  is lived on an incline, and if your not moving forward, you're slipping backwards!". That hit me like a tone of bricks, That is the exactly how I've been living for so many years! I have been slipping backwards, not knowing why I keep having the same thoughts, desires. Not knowing why I keep makings the SAME MISTAKES over and over and over again. Everyday that I don't read my bible, and pray, I create space between me and God. There is a disconnect spiritually, that is how I have slowly crept back into sin. The way back to sin is a slow decline, it doesn't come suddenly or all at once. One day you start swearing again, then you may have lustful thoughts. Then you might just have a mimosa at breakfast, and then one glass of wine for dinner. Then you might go to a ball game and have one beer. Then you might have an edible, convincing yourself well at least I'm not SMOKING the weed! These things slowly disconnects you from God, until you find yourself COMPLETELY BOUND all over again. This corruption of the soul is how the devil preys on you, then you begin to use these substances to block out the feelings of shame and guilt, because you know it's wrong. Your spirit is telling you, the Holy Spirit is convicting you and it hurts inside! The longer you go unrepentant, the harder it is to get on your knees and make it right with God. The longer you wait leaves room for something catastrophic to happen in your life, something that will leave you know choice but to fall to you knees and beg God for help! The inevitable ROCK BOTTOM! Sometimes I wish I didn't have to wait for all of the ROCK BOTTOMS I've had, but then I think of all the souls that won't have to by sharing my testimony. Everything I've been through is for the testimony at the end!! It is to share with the hopeless sinner, the sinner like me, to help them through, to help them find peace and solace in Christ! We are no match for the devil on our own, but we have POWER through Christ Jesus that we can access. We just have to tap in......SURRENDER! We have to make in intentional decision to seek God everyday, in everything that we do, in order to make it!
As always, I don't know you but I love you too LIFE! Most importantly GOD LOVES YOU MORE THAN YOU KNOW!!
God bless!!

This is the link to the Top Christian Womens Blog site, they have something for everyone, from the lost sinner, to the mature christian. Be Blessed! https://blog.feedspot.com/christian_women_blogs/

to be continued..........

BUILDING OF FAITH

So......there are a lot of lessons that I learned from my study yesterday. They are over flowing in my heart and I am so excited to share them, I just don't want to ramble in an EXTRA LONG post. I am going to split them up into several concentrating on one subject at a time. Another very important thing God gave me yesterday was encouragement! During the first devotional I read it highlighted how God can come through just as your about to throw in the towel, just as you have given up, and lost steam. You think that all hope is lost, and that nothing will change, then BOOM, God comes through in a MAJOR WAY! OUT OF NO WHERE! That's how he works, I firmly believe in that, that is why I am not consumed with worry or fear about the situation that I face right now in my life. If you have been reading along since my very first post, I have been given 2 weeks (until October 1st) to move out of where I am living. I have no money, no job, all I have is my faith and belief in God! I am completely empty, which allows God to do his best work! Two weeks is not a lot of time for ANYONE, whether the have money or not, to find arrangements for themselves and three children. This is an opportunity for me to step up and finally be obedient to Gods word and finally allow him to lead me and guide me. When he comes through this time, it will truly be a MIRACLE! I am believing and trusting Him for a MIRACLE! I have to keep my eye on the prize, if I continue the way I'm going, and not take this situation into my own hands when I think time is running out, God will come through! I have a pattern of giving up on God when I think time is running out, but I have learned the hard way that my way is NEVER A GOOD IDEA! I am tired of learning the hard way, so I have chosen to learn the GOD WAY! When there is 0:00 time left on the clock (that's a sports reference, lol, I LOVE football and basketball) God will make that half court shot, that last toss up into the end zone for the WIN! That is what I know God is going to do for me and my children. You know what, when it does happen, it won't just be a lesson for me, it will also show my family (because they don't really have any faith or belief in God at all) just what kind of God I serve. Not that He will GIVE YOU THINGS, but He will come through and make you whole. They see me as a liar, a thief, a drunk, and everything else unsavory, BUT God will show himself to them by what he is doing and about to do in my life. I think then I will be able to share my testimony with them, God will have all of their attention, and they will be open to it! I can share with them how I have changed, and what I had to do to get where I am mentally, emotionally, and most important spiritually! They won't be able to deny that God is real, and that he is a deliverer, a healer, a chain breaker, a best friend, a father, and a way maker! His power will be UNDENIABLE!! What he is about to do for a wretched sinner like me will inspire them, and stick in their hearts. My prayer is that it prompts them to seek his face, seek him for healing, I hope they learn to trust Him to fill every void in their lives! I also prayed that when I do leave here, and walk into my destiny having been made whole, that I leave with them not having any ill feelings. I pray that we leave with a hug, and forgiveness, and love! I prayed that instead of WHY HER, they ask the question how, and then seek God for the answer! God is not done with me yet, and he is not done with you! God is not done with your dreams, your ministry, your career, your children, you mind, your heart, YOUR LIFE! Keep hanging on, the road is VERY TOUGH, filled with A LOT of emotions, but leaning on God makes it bearable! Reading Gods word gives you the strength you need DAY TO DAY! That's important, never think the studying you do on Monday, will last you all week until FRIDAY! You have to reinforce by reading the word EVERYDAY, and praying. This will guarantee your success! My new quote, it was at the end of a devotional reading yesterday, is "If you're not dead, God is not done!" -Perry Noble (a friend of the man that wrote the devotional reading) 
As always, I don't know you, but I love you with all of my heart, but most importantly GOD LOVES YOU MORE THAN YOU KNOW!! TRUST HIM!

PRESS TOWARD THE MARK FOR THE PRIZE OF THE HIGH CALLING OF GOD IN CHRIST JESUS. Philippians 3:14

FOR THIS MOMENTARY LIGHT AFFLICTION IS PRODUCING FOR US AN ETERNAL WEIGHT OF GLORY BEYOND ALL COMPARISON, AS WE LOOK NOT TO WHAT IS SEEN BUT TO WHAT IS UNSEEN; FOR WHAT IS SEEN IS TRANSITORY, BUT WHAT IS UNSEEN IS ETERNAL. 
2 Corinthians 4:17-18

This is the link to the Top Christian Womens Blog site, they have something for everyone, from the lost sinner, to the mature christian. Be  Blessed! https://blog.feedspot.com/christian_women_blogs/


to be continued......

STRENGTHS CAN BE YOUR WEAKNESS

Soooo........ This weekend was a trying one, remember I said if I am going to be successful this time, I would have to get back into reading my bible. Well, yesterday morning I dove face first. I had that thirst, a thirst that I haven't felt in 2 years! It's funny how everything major that has happened to me whether it be good or bad, has this 2 year theme. I don't pay much attention to numbers, and I definitely am not into numerology, I am just simply recognizing the pattern! The Lord spoke to me with through everything that I read! My intention was to just start of small, because I tend to loose focus and my mind wanders, but before I knew it almost 2 hours had past, it was amazing! I FELT AMAZING, I felt REAL joy, I felt love, I felt all the feels! lol! I had a renewed strength that I hadn't felt in a long time. I was lighter than air. I read the bible app, and they have different study plans on there. I started "Gods not done with you yet", and "Divine Direction". With all that I read I got this, God was telling me that he is doing a great work in me, I might not understand now but I will understand later. I learned to take inventory of my strengths, and how they can be my WEAKNESS! I have never heard of that before, MY STRENGTHS BEING MY WEAKNESS! That was for me yesterday. I am a person who used to boast about having little to no weakness, or so I thought. My strengths have been my weakness all this time! God is so amazing! My strengths have gone ungoverned, meaning I have not been using them for the glory of God and have gone unguided by Him, so it has been a breeding ground for the enemy to use against me! An unguarded strength is a DOUBLE WEAKNESS! WHEW! So take inventory of your strengths, make sure that your using them the way God wants you too, make sure you guard them, by reading the word of God and praying everyday! I can't tell you enough how CRUCIAL those two things are to your spirit. I have so much more, so until later, I don't know you but I love you too life! Most importantly GOD LOVES YOU MORE THAN YOU KNOW!!! 

This is the link to the Top Christian Womens Blog site, they have something for everyone, from the lost sinner, to the mature christian. Be  Blessed! https://blog.feedspot.com/christian_women_blogs/

to be continued.....

FIRST TRIAL/TEST

Sooooo....it's been a couple of days and, the last time I posted I spoke on how I received good news only to be IMMEDIATELY tested right after. I expressed how I felt about what happened and of course, the response wasn't a good one! I expected that, but I didn't respond with anger or any type of nastiness! The more I resisted her nasty responses, the nastier she spoke to me, all I could do was look her straight in the eye and say OKAY! She threw all my bad mistakes directly into my face, and all I could say was "I always bounce back". The more God kept me calm and gave me what to say, the angrier she got. She even threatened to try and take my children!! HAHAHAHAHAA!!! CAN YOU BELIEVE THAT!! With no basis at all! Through it all I didn't even think about cursing or saying anything mean and hurtful to her. That goes to show you, as soon as you make the decision to change your way of thinking, change your walk and your talk, the enemy will try to drag you back down! I'm not saying she is the devil, but rather the devil tried to use her to drag up my past, the past that I have already asked God forgiveness for, she tried to play on the anger I USED TO HAVE by saying nasty things to me, and she even threatened my motherhood, which would have been the last straw BUT GOD! GREATER IS HE THAT IS IN ME THAN HE THAT IS IN THE WORLD!!! I felt stronger and filled with joy after that exchange, I even prayed for her because she is very sad and empty on the inside, and I do feel bad about that! So that was a victory, not for me but for God! I am glad to call him my friend, my comforter, my EVERYTHING!! To God be the glory!!! As always I don't know you but I love you to life, and MOST IMPORTANTLY GOD LOVES YOU MORE THAN YOU KNOW!! May God bless and keep you!

This is the link to the Top Christian Womens Blog site, they have something for everyone, from the lost sinner, to the mature christian. Be Blessed! https://blog.feedspot.com/christian_women_blogs/
to be continued...

REALIZING THE PURPOSE

Soooo.....To God be all the GLORY for the things he has done, and for all the things he is lining me up for in the future! I give him all the Glory for the for whatever he is preparing me for in this season! I just wanted to start out by saying that I received an email early this morning saying that this blog has been put on the list of top 100 Christian Womens' Blog on Feedspot.com! I thank God that his message through me is on this platform, and after starting this blog only 4 days ago!!.....It's funny, because with every victory comes a test, a test to see if you will make the God decision as opposed to taking the situation into you own hands! This test came RIGHT AFTER I read that good news in my email. I called my daughter in the room to share in this good news, and she tells me that my son was pulled from his bed by a family member at 4 am, told to get dressed but not told where he was going!! Now anyone who knows me knows that my children are the single most important people in the world to me! The love I have for them is more than I can ever give to anyone else even if I had a million years to give it! I am not a very emotional person, but when it involves them, I hold nothing back! Remember from my first post, how I said that I had been drinking up all of the booze that belonged to them, but now they are taking the fact that their mad and doing whatever they want, INCLUDING TAKING MY SON OUT OF THIS HOUSE WITHOUT KNOWING!!.......now......I could trivialize this and say, I took their booze because I was feeling a certain kind of way about them and called myself doing whatever I wanted to do. I could say, BUT IT'S JUST FRIGGIN BOOZE, AND THIS IS MY KID!!.....but that would be me not sitting back and listening to what God is trying to teach me in this moment. She has done to me EXACTLY what I did to her, she has validated taking my kid without communicating with me by thinking, well that B drank all my booze and then lied about it! God is watching me in this moment, he is looking to see if I take matters into my own hands and curse her out, and drink the rest of the booze in this house, or pray and ask him to give me the words to say to her when she gets home with him! This plays directly on my major mental points. MY PRIDE: thinking, who the bleep does she think she is taking MY SON out of this house without telling me, and without leaving a note!
MY ANGER: thinking about how I'm going to curse her down to the ground, thinking about all the hateful and hurtful things that I can say to her that would completely break her spirit  to make me feel better
MY URGE FOR VENGEANCE: plotting to do as much damage as possible!
Today, I'm not taking my will, I am going to pray that he takes this anger out of my heart, and then give all of these awful feelings to him! Then I am going to ask him to please give me the words to say that will communicate how upset I am with this situation but with love. Trust me, this way is hard....SO HARD FOR ME, because if I feel that she is not getting it, or she doesn't feel anything at all, I don't want to insert SELF and change course during the conversation! I will trust in God, I will trust that he will answer my prayer even in the middle of the confrontation. I will trust that he will be right by my side leading me and guiding me, no matter the response from the other person! This test I will get though with grace, and even if the other person gets belligerent, I will keep my composure because I know that God has greater for me, and stooping down to that level will only bump me 10 steps back, instead of the 100 steps that I will jump forward! It will not be an immediate satisfaction, but God is not showing me IMMEDIATE things, because he is teaching patience, and HOW TO WAIT ON HIM!......and only by the grace of God I am learning his way this time, and I am willing to take the baby steps this time.....shoot, I am willing to take to take ANT STEPS at this point if it means not repeating the life destroying cycle that I have been on. LORD I'M  READY AND WILLING! I GIVE IT ALL TO YOU NOW AND FOREVER!! THANK YOU FOR LOVING ME AND KEEPING ME! THANK YOU FOR GIVING ME SECOND CHANCE AFTER SECOND CHANCE AFTER SECOND CHANCE! Like I always say, I don't even know you but I love you, and most importantly GOD LOVES YOU MORE THAN YOU WILL EVER KNOW!!! God bless always!

This is the link to the Top Christian Womens Blog site, they have something for everyone, from the lost sinner, to the mature christian. Be Blessed! https://blog.feedspot.com/christian_women_blogs/

to be continued.......... 

RENEWING OF THE MIND

Sooo........I did get into the word of God this afternoon. I read a lot of the scriptures that I highlighted back when I was a faithful christian. Maybe all the studying I did in the past, and all the highlighting I did, was for this moment in my life. Every verse I read was encouraging and reinforced the message that God loves me and will never leave me! It was so good to get back in the word. That was something that I used to crave everyday, for my personal spiritual up building. It didn't turn into something else until my pastor told me that she saw ministry in me and that I would most likely be in the pulpit delivering a message to Gods' people! After I heard that, instead of taking a HUMBLE approach, I immediately went out and bought a notebook, and started jotting down what I thought THUS SAYETH THE LORD, lol. I inserted pride and overconfidence, instead of humbleness and the desire to continue to learn about who I was becoming in the Lord. I went straight to, I HAVE ARRIVED, instead of building up my personal relationship with God. I was still new to Christ at that point, and I was still on shaky ground. I was not on a solid foundation at all, but I enveloped this feeling of superiority to all the other new Christians and most of the old ones, if you can believe that. Constantly comparing myself as a mother, a women, a christian, against everyone else who I felt was lacking just a little bit in their walk in Christ. Just because you don't openly talk about someone to others, doesn't mean that you won't let off that haughty vibe when your around them. My vibes speak more than the actual words that come out of my mouth. This is something that used still kind of brings on an intense feeling of guilt. The way I paraded around like I was the best new christian to ever do it. The saying 'Pride comes before the fall' is the truest thing I have every heard. Not more than 2 weeks after my beloved pastor gave me that prophetic word, I relapsed and used cocaine. TWO WEEKS, JUST TWO WEEKS, there wasn't a break down in my mental state, no emotional break down, I just thought about it and did it. No questions asked, it was one of the most shameful times in my life. I hated myself for that, but the very next weekend, BOOM, the same thing. Leading up to the 24 hour eviction notice I received on my door one week before Christmas. 24 hours, I hadn't been that devastated ever before in my life! I lost 90% of my life as we as my children. EVERYTHING, the only thing we left out of that apartment with was our clothes and the Christmas gifts I already purchased for them. Something I have a hard time forgiving myself for, that will take a lot of work. It needs to be done because forgiveness is the breeding ground for the devil, PERIOD! Here are a couple of verses that encouraged me on today, I hope you find them encouraging for you as well, and seek the Lord for yourself! I know I don't know you but I love you, and most importantly GOD LOVES YOU MORE! MORE THAN YOU EVER CAN POSSIBLY IMAGINE!


This is the link to the Top Christian Womens Blog site, they have something for everyone, from the lost sinner, to the mature christian. Be Blessed! https://blog.feedspot.com/christian_women_blogs/

In my distress I called upon the Lord, and cried unto my God: he heard my voice out of his temple, and my cry came before him, even into his ears! Psalms 18:6

For thy name's sake, O Lord, pardon mine iniquity for it is great!
Psalms 25:11

Have I not commanded thee? Be strong and of good courage, be not afraid, neither be thou dismayed, for the Lord thy God is with thee wherever you go.
Joshua 1:9

STEPPING ONTO THE PATH

Soooooo.....to God be the Glory for another day he has allowed me to see, another day to be in his presence. I hope everyone had a blessed day yesterday. If not today is another day! Yesterday was day 3 of not having a drop of alcohol, but I still haven't cracked my bible!!! I need to set aside some studying time if this blog is gonna reach a person past a few days of sobriety! The word is what will sustain us, and if I convey the word it will validate everything that the Lord gives me to write! Got to speak with the women I was supposed to call WEEKS ago yesterday. She was the voice God and I knew I needed. She prayed and invited me to church on Sunday. Fellowship is something that I desperately need if I am going to sustain my christian life. Having a great support system is key to this walk. The church is all the way in Providence, and like I said before I am currently operating a vehicle that is not registered, so I prayed that God make a way for me and my children to attend church. I just have to trust and believe that if it is His will it will happen! That's all I can do, WAIT AND SEE! (More of that patience thing again, lol) I will not take matters into my own hands and do the wrong thing, make the wrong move! Knowing something is wrong but not necessarily having the impulse control on you own to prevent you from making that decision is maddening! On the power of God can prevent you from making that choice, with the renewing of you mind. That comes from reading and studying the word of God. See how everything that I write about that is wrong with me, the remedy is ALWAYS the word of God!......So why haven't I cracked open my bible. This is just another example how I allow the things going on in my MIND keep me away from what I need to be doing! The longer I stay away from the word, it is a GUARANTEE that I will regress back into my cycles of destruction......I pledge that before my next post I will have studied at least 30 mins. We have to crawl before we walk, and walk before we run. I have to continue to trust this process or I will FAIL......and FAILURE IS NOT AN OPTION FOR ME THIS TIME IN THE NAME OF JESUS! Thank you for reading, I hope it helps even just one person! As always, I don't know you, but I love you, and most importantly GOD LOVES YOU MORE!!


This is the link to the Top Christian Womens Blog site, they have something for everyone, from the lost sinner, to the mature christian. Be Blessed! https://blog.feedspot.com/christian_women_blogs/

to be continued....... 

BEGINNING OF THE DEVELOPMENT

So........I am a person who is hurt by the past. I realize that every time I think of a past mistake my heart ACHES! That is a form of bondage. No matter how STRONG I think  I am, the past affects me greatly! This is just one of the many contributing factors to me repeating this cycle that I'm in! I haven't completely dealt with or forgiven myself for my past! It's deep inside mind, FESTERING, becoming a CANCER for the rest of my body and spirit. It manifest in ways like the clinching of my teeth, the constant on edge and over thinking, the tightening of my fists, the pain in my back, and the knots in my neck! I always prided myself for forgiving others, thinking that was it, WORK DONE, I'm healed from my past. I am forgetting the MOST IMPORTANT PART OF FORGIVENESS.......that is FORGIVING MYSELF! FORGIVING myself for all the pain I have caused myself and others, most of all my children. I carry a great amount of guilt in me, it's painful, and for so long I have allowed pain to DEFINE me. I can't carry this any longer, if I want to live free and not repeat old sins! Dealing with this pain by self medicating, via drugs and alcohol, has only made things EXTREMELY WORSE, and has only added on guilty feelings about current things, and more self forgiveness! I thank God for keeping me, I thank God for his grace and mercy! Without it I would be COMPLETELY DESTROYED! Without his word I wouldn't know to run to him, seek forgiveness, and have the hope of staying on the right path. Life is very hard, but I make it harder by not living the way I'm supposed to! With Gods' help I can do and achieve ANYTHING! "WHAT THEN DO WE SAY TO THESE THINGS, IF GOD BEFORE US WHO CAN BE AGAINST US!" Romans 8:31

"YET IN ALL THESE THINGS WE ARE MORE THAN CONQUERORS THROUGH HIM THAT LOVES US! 

Romans 8:37

I don't even know you, but I love you, and MOST importantly God loves you MORE!


This is the link to the Top Christian Womens Blog site, they have something for everyone, from the lost sinner, to the mature christian. Be Blessed! https://blog.feedspot.com/christian_women_blogs/

to be continued........

LIGHT AS A FEATHER

So..........I feel a lot lighter since confessing out loud my misdeeds and bad decisions. There is nothing like the weight of sin. It sits in your chest, on your neck and shoulders too. I can take a deep breathe without it hurting! Most importantly I had to repent, and make it right with my God. This season is dark, but not for long. I need to be ready for the overflow. I feel so strongly that God is leading me to where I need to be in him. I need to be ready to walk in my purpose because it's coming whether I like it or not. Have you ever had a BURNING feeling that God is about to do something BIG? I have felt that way all summer. I have reached out to a women who I consider an AMAZING women of God! She didn't have a strong social media presence, her last post was in 2015, so I reached out through some of who I thought were her family members (e.i. anyone with her last name on her friends list, lol). One of her sisters hit me back up and said that she wants me to call her.......but I didn't at that time, that was early July. I chickened out and didn't call her. I was still intentionally running from what God was trying to do in my life. I buckled down and called her yesterday right after my last post and left a message. I haven' t heard from her just yet, but I know she will make time and call me back. God put her on my mind for a reason. Every since I moved back to Massachusetts, I have been on a serious decline. I DESPERATELY miss my church home in Florida. When your new in Christ you really need a great support system, people who will pour into you spiritually! I have felt nothing but loneliness since arriving. I have now COMPLETELY separated myself from my immediate family, except of course my children. I feel that she will be there and help with this next step God is having me take! Everyone needs a spiritual mother or father. That is very important in your walk with Christ. READING THE BIBLE may be the single most important. That is how God speaks to you. Reading the word and praying is how you build your relationship with God. With the word in you mind and heart, there is no room for sorrow and anger. I am not a person who can blame the devil for everything, because I recognize when he is trying to block me from God, I just allow it so I don't have to face the shame and guilt. Yesterday was the first day I didn't drink a drop of alcohol. I thought sleep would never come, and I did get VERY anxious after I sent my children to bed. They were even looking at me really funny, probably thinking "Mommy doesn't have a drink tonight!" I didn't bring any attention to it because I have started over so many times. I just want them to see this time. I teach them to show people through your actions, not just a bunch of words. I just want to finally set that example for them. If I set that example, then they will follow suit! They love me very much, I am tired of disappointing them. We have family meetings once a week to quote unquote AIR ARE GRIEVANCES, keeping things on the inside and stuffing is REALLY dangerous. So we talk about things they dislike and like, and we talk and work through the things that happened that they feel slighted over. I know they will never say that they don't like it when I drink to not hurt my feelings. Now, I am not a mean drunk by any means, they have just seen me sober and serving God before, and that's how they prefer me! I need to get back to studying the Bible now. I still swear quite often and I don't like the way my children look when I do that. I was HYPER  aware of that yesterday, stark sober! Not having substances to put blockers up from the world forces you to deal with life HEAD ON! Don't be afraid or hurt, just recognize what needs to be changed and work towards that. Nothing comes overnight, TRUST ME! Patience is the key, patience is hard but worth it. A quick fix is damaging in the long run! Again I pray and believe that God will have this reach whomever it needs to! Remember God loves you and will never leave you NO MATTER WHAT! PLEASE remember that, keep that close to your hearts!

I don't know you, but I love you too!

God Bless!


This is the link to the Top Christian Womens Blog site, they have something for everyone, from the lost sinner, to the mature christian. Be Blessed! https://blog.feedspot.com/christian_women_blogs/

to be continued..........

SURRENDER

Soooooo.....as i was sitting here this morning, thinking about the previous post God gave me something. I wrote about being an IMPATIENT person, not being able to wait. That is a very dangerous trait for me to have!.....I have never waited for God, I have never been willing to be tried in the fire. I have never wanted to just hold on especially when I can't see the end in sight! I would always pray, read my bible for a couple of days, then loose steam and take matters into my own hands! I have truly never waited for God to come through......that is just one of the reasons why I put myself in these situations. Thinking that this time I will get it done on my own. I, I, I, I, I, I,.........always I.....never anything else........I know that I cannot do ANYTHING without God, and yet I try and try and try and try, falling flat on my face EVERY TIME! If I could apply that type of stubbornness and and persistence to securing a future for me and my children, we would be rich by now........I am tired of repeating this process, tired of starting over.......but every time I have to I learn different lessons. Everything that I go through is for a reason, something bigger than myself, something that I need to share to help the next person who might be going through the same type of  mental issues that I am suffering with. I have built up so many walls I don't even know who the hell I am. Every time I seek Gods face he speaks.......but because its always a promise of something to come and not an IMMEDIATE fix I run scared and get frustrated! Anything worth having from God is going to take time to develop.......God doesn't bless MESS! AND I AM A MESS!.......If I don't finally learn what he is trying to teach me, I will continue to go through the same type of destructive situations. He will allow me to go around and around and around until I learn, because I cannot keep running from the calling on my life. I cannot keep dippin and slippin, I cannot keep doing things my own way knowing the outcome, I cannot keep up this unstable way of thinking, I cannot keep up this way of life............I don't want him to have to allow something CATASTROPHIC to get my attention! YOU HAVE IT GOD!! Please give the the PATIENCE I need to see this thing through to the end..........I am tired of taking advantage of His grace and mercy everyday, tired of taking advantage of his love and kindness.......it makes me feel ashamed and worthless........drinking took my mind off of it.........not being honest does terrible damage to the soul.......I am in need of MAJOR repair from the damage that I have done to MYSELF! Being treated a certain way that I don't like is not an excuse, my childhood is not an excuse, my relationship with my mother and father and siblings is not an excuse, my relationship with my ex is no excuse........I cannot keep giving the same excuse for my destructive behavior.......Using it as an excuse to do whatever I want to do in life.....thinking everyone around me needs to just deal with it because I do this and I do that!.......there is a really big chip on my shoulder for some odd reason........Not being able to be HONEST with anyone is dangerous, and I can't and won't have these types of conversations about my emotional and mental state with my children. It's inappropriate.......I have a women that I know would listen with the type of non judgmental, unconditional love that I need. I even hunted her down through people she knows on social media, I left a message with my phone number for her to call me. The response I received back was not what I expected. The women gave me HER number and told me she said for ME to call HER! I knew then, I can't get the help I need if I don't make the first step. That's how she will know that I am ready......that was the middle of July and I still haven't called her!! When am I going to allow myself to win...........I'm going to call her today, because I am TIRED TO DEATH of always losing!.....I pray these post reach who it needs to, If your reading this God loves you and so do I!
God Bless


This is the link to the Top Christian Womens Blog site, they have something for everyone, from the lost sinner, to the mature christian. Be Blessed! https://blog.feedspot.com/christian_women_blogs/

to be conintued.....