LAYING IT ALL OUT part 1

So.........let me just start off by telling you EXACTLY what and who I am. I am 34 years of age with 3 children who I am raising on my own. I believe I am a great mom who teaches her children EVERYTHING they need to know about life and education. Only problem is my choices and behavior doesn't line up! Meaning they sometimes witness me doing the opposite of what I preach! I am one of the BIGGEST hypocrites on the planet I think. I am a person who people dump all there personal feelings on no matter who I meet. They feel comfortable enough almost immediately. I give people great advise about life and trusting in God, but in my personal life I am a unapologetic LIAR! I am a person who sneaks and drinks up my family members booze, I go on a cocaine binge every year during tax return season. I spend almost every dime on myself instead of doing something nice for my children or saving! I have been lying for the past 3 months about working a job that I dont have, I am relying on the family I live with to buy groceries for my kids, I drive around a car that has the licence plate of my old vehicle on it unregistered, I have a growing disdain for the way my parents and siblings are, I have a severe lack of motivation, I feel like I'm useless and purposeless! I can't and don't trust anyone especially my family because they are so lacking mentally! I believe if they can't help themselves mentally, what the hell can they do for me! I have put all my trust into myself......AND NOT GOD! I have tried to do it all on my own and have failed EVERY TIME! I have pushed the people I actually love away completely and have been completely stripped down mentally and emotionally! I am an EMPTY VESSEL.......but in my experience, thats when God does his best work! I am just tired of having to be stripped and broken down to get the message! I have been stuck in the same cycle for at least 8 years now! I do believe this is my last redo. I have to make this one count. My calling is not to just give out advise all day, pouring into other people generically. It's to COMPLETELY present myself bare and to share how I got out of my dark periods. I am in a BIG one now! I have 2 weeks to find another living arrangement for me and my children because of the choices I have made in just 3 short months!.........but God is faithful even though I don't deserve it, even though I continually fall from grace then come begging him for redemption time after time after time!......BUT GOD..........

This is the link to the Top Christian Womens Blog site, they have something for everyone, from the lost sinner, to the mature christian. Be Blessed! https://blog.feedspot.com/christian_women_blogs/

to be continued....until then GOD BLESS AND I LOVE YOU!